100 Things

1. I was born with my ears all curled up like rosebuds. My mom had to tape them to my head for several weeks.
2. By age nine, I had acquired nine cabbage patch dolls
3. I had a calico cat. I named her after my favorite Speed Racer – Penelope Pitstop.
4. I also had an easy-bake oven. I ate the cake mix right out of the box.
5. By age ten, I could save the princess in Super Mario Brothers three times in a row without dying.
6. One evening my mom called me for dinner while I was playing said Nintendo game. My butt was asleep from playing for so long and I didn’t get up. She ripped the Nintendo out of the TV and threw it off the deck onto the driveway 3 stories down. It shattered into a gazillion pieces.
7. Apparently, she meant it when she said she didn’t want to call me a second time.
8. Thank god we had two Nintendos.
9. In kindergarten, I said I wanted to be a housekeeper when I grew up.
10. My house is always a mess.
11. I also sucked my thumb and twirled my hair.
12. I still twirl my hair occasionally.
13. Now I bite my nails something awful.
14. I was first flute in our Junior High School Band.
15. I haven't played it much since then.
16. I was seriously into Glam Rock back then.
17. I miss watching Ally McBeal. Even though it was really lame.
18. I've seen the movie "Dirty Dancing" at least 20 times.
19. I still love it.

20. I sang “Route 66” in our high school Senior Talent Show.
21. I don't have a favorite band. Or a favorite music genre.
22. I just know I don't like country. or really heavy metal.
23. My parents have been married since 1969.
24. They met while cruising. My dad pulled up next to my mom in his yellow ’55 Chevy and said “Hey baby, wanna go to a party?” When she refused, he followed her home and got her number.
25. Aside from my husband, my mom is my best friend.
26. I would still sit on my daddy’s lap if it weren’t for his hip replacement.
27. I still snuggle my mom a lot. And my sissy.
28. But not my brothers. Ewww. They have cooties.
29. I start to cry if I even think about the fact that my parents may someday die.
30. I can hear the difference between an Aussie and a Kiwi.
31. I’ve been told I look like Drew Barrymore. A lot.
32. My highest weight was 306 pounds.
33. My current weight is 166. I’m a size 10. I’m the same size I was in high school.
34. If I had a dime for each time I’ve eaten at McDonald’s, it would’ve paid for my gastric bypass surgery.
35. The only food I can’t eat as a result of said surgery is ice cream.
36. Even the thought of it makes me want to puke.
37. Which is probably best.
38. Since before surgery I’d probably eaten my bodyweight in Ben & Jerry’s.
39. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
40. (Yes, I’m a sugar fiend.)

41. I answered my husband’s personal ad in 1995.
42. It took him two weeks to call me back.
43. We always intended to make up a lie to disguise how we really met.
44. It never happened.
45. We lived in sin for one year.
46. Our wedding was perfect.
47. After we said “I do,” he kissed me not once, but 6 times.
48. I didn’t sit through an episode of Star Trek till I was 20. Then I was hooked.
49. I have a big mouth. Not in the literal sense.
50. I only rarely say things I regret.
51. But then I REALLY regret them.
52. I love to see my car’s reflection in the back of an oil truck.
53. I still watch more MTV than I should.
54. Ditto for Comedy Central.
55. Screw you guys.
56. I’m going home.
57. Mmmmkay?
58. When we rescued our dog Harry, I had to call my husband over to check him out because I wasn’t sure if he was really cute or really ugly.
59. Fortunately, I never had that concern about our baby.

60. I am a staunch Libertarian.
61. So I get to be hated by Republicans AND Democrats.
62. I believe strongly that abortion is murder. Life undoubtedly begins at conception.
63. However, I am pro-choice.
64. I am also not a religious person, which may explain this contradiction.
65. I used to be infertile. (PCOS)
66. Then I got pregnant accidentally.
67. I had a wonderfully normal pregnancy.
68. I had a terrible delivery.
69. Epidurals are a good thing.
70. But only when they actually work.
71. My son came 11 days late.
72. Which I thought was early.
73. I never thought of myself as a baby person. I thought I would just tolerate the baby until he was a kid.
74. I was wrong.
75. Now I want a whole bevy of babies.
76. My husband only wants the two we agreed upon before getting married.
77. He’s practically already scheduled the vasectomy.
78. Which is probably best.
79. We have almost six figures in student loans.

80. And two VW Jetta’s.
81. Yes, they are fukengruven.
82. I love the smell of my baby’s breath.
83. I can’t say the word “rural.”
84. I am an excellent cook.
85. I’ve never broken a bone.
86. I’ve written financial plans for more than 200 families.
87. I’m still not a Certified Financial Planner.
88. I would like to be able to run a mile in 8 minutes.
89. Yes, it’s a lofty goal.
90. I hate having my feet touched.
91. Seriously. Expect to be kicked.
92. A few years ago, I made my best friend Jill promise not to invite me clubbing anymore since I never ended up having a good time.
93. Thankfully, she kept the promise.
94. We named our baby (his middle name) after my father.
95. He’s the best guy I know.
96. On my wedding day, before walking me down the aisle, he tried to tell me how important it is to live in the moment.
97. I told him to knock it off or I’d start crying and mess up my makeup.
98. In his own way, he was trying to tell me about the meaning of life.
99. I didn’t get it then.
100. Now I do.

Comments

[Sherryl Lynn]

This is really good & funny to boot! I left ClubMom to come here & have really enjoyed your writing.
You're babies are absolutely adorable & look like little cherubs...I'm a GrandMommy of 2 beautiful Granddaughters, Ashlynn 32 mos, BrookLyn 19 mos, & Shaelyne is due July 3rd. I stay home with them & almost feel like they are mine. Ashlynn kept saying "turn it back to see the babies!"
I love what your Dad said as you were about to walk down the aisle...my Aunt told me when my Daughter Wendi Lyn was born not to go anywhere without her or I wouldn't be welcome! True! Thanks for sharing.

[Barry]

Nice writing... simple and clean. Keep doing it!

Barry