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« I. Am. Horrified. | Main | A trip to the library »

April 18, 2006

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rootietoot

Errant laundry is extremely irritating. I deal with it by picking it up and putting it in the floor of the coat closet (that they never open). Eventually they have no clothes and I hold them for ransom. Not only do I have a husband I love, but I have 4 boys, of of whom are teens. Remember this: ransom. You figure out what it's worth, maybe start at dinner and a movie, and work up from there.

David

From Merrian-Webster dictionary:

"Ball Chopper" - Pronunciation: 'bol 'choper - Function: Noun - 1: An emasculating woman.

Laura

I love your husband. I have to on principle, since I love you and you're married to him. Plus, he seems like a real super dad and all that.

But I have to say - if my husband did half the shit on your list, I'd fucking kill him.

Oh, trust me, he does HIS OWN annoying shit! But the first time I tripped over shoes in the hallway while carrying a sleeping child to bed or the first time one of our kids got burned by hot coffee, I'd turn into fucking Medusa, man.

This is a fun little meme! LOL!

rachel

I think the fact that you can post this kind of stuff without Dave going ballistic shows what a stand-up guy he is. My husband would read me the riot act if I participated in said meme -- not least because I'm the one who leaves shoes all over our house.

And honestly, the only thing I HATE is the way he coughs after he's had a cold. It's not a normal cough -- it is the cough of a gagging burro. If I ever murder him in his sleep, it will be because of that cough.

Rayne of Terror

I'm really in a pretty good place about my husband these days, but I can always think of a few things.

Opening the dishwasher and asking me if the dishes are clean or dirty. Just LOOK at them.

Leaving socks in the basement and then complaining he doesn't have enough black socks. On the topic of black socks, the fuzz they leave on the white carpet.

while he cooks he doesn't throw any packaging away - even meat packaging. Sometimes I find a dried bloody styrofoam tray under something on the counter a day or two after the meal. Ack!

CityMama

OMG my husband does #7, too. I thought I was the only lucky one. *eye roll*

Then I get to hear, "Where are all my socks?!...Have you seen my socks?!" as he frantically rushes around in the morning trying to get dressed.

CityslickerMom

What a great meme! I have to admit I'm guilty of #3. But husband doesn't EVER wipe the kitchen counter either.

Emily

I swear to God, Amanda, we're married to the same Dave. Kitchen cabinets? Check. Egg crap all over the kitchen? Check. The bed, the socks, the counters? Check check check.

If anyone knows exactly how you feel (except for the big, pregnant, milk-squirting, hemmorhoid thing) it is me. Some day we will be rewarded, I hope.

Sadie

I like to think I am an easygoing person, but if I were married to your husband, I would definitely go batshit crazy. I know you will feel bad that anyone else thinks he's a pig (it's the whole "I can call my mom a bitch but NO ONE else can" thing), but GOD! I think I would start doing passive-aggressive things like throwing all the socks from the floor into the garbage, or putting the dirty coffee spoons into his clothes drawers.

Julie

I'll do the meme. But with a twist - I'll also include a list of things that I do that drive him batshit crazy.

I had to laugh at some of the stuff Dave does, if only because I'm relieved that I'm not the only wife who is annoyed by it too.

estella

Randy does like six of those things. Plus, he'll take his dinner plate, fill it to the brim with water, and set it on the counter. This is to "soak it". Even if he just ate a sandwich. I'm amazed at the efforts he'll go to in order to avoid the dishwasher.

poobou

My Dave does #1 and #3 too. Daily. Except half the time he leaves the coffee mugs on his desk until they dry up and mold. I'm not kidding. (One of many reasons why I rarely go into his office.)

Sally

My husband does lots of the same things. Number 7 especially annoys me. Sometimes I pick them up when I see them, but sometimes I get sick of it so I just leave them there. I always send Tommy (our 2 year old) on a sock search on laundry days. On weeks when I've been not picking them up Tommy might find 10 socks during his laundry day sock hunt. 10!

Mine also leaves his shoes in the middle of the high traffic areas. This is especially annoying since he wears size 16 shoes. Those suckers are as long as my calf, and impossible to avoid tripping over.

Jamie

I'll play.
#1-18: Ditto. Except substitute a paring knife on the coffee table instead of a coffeepot on the counter, and instead of flinging ice, he tries to wipe boogers on me. Oh, and while he doesn't request spinach specifically, he's always bitching about eating "healthy" and then never eats the damn vegetable. Otherwise? Same husband. But you already knew that.

Rebecca

laughed my ass off!
ditto to all of the above as well. I really have to fight the passive agressive urges. like leaving the coffee grounds in the machine until the next weekend and the basket is full of moldy grounds. I do however kick all of his dirty clothes to his side of the bed on the floor, because you can't see it from the doorway. out of sight not pissed off. Some times I look back fondly on his traveling for work, the house stay just how I left it.

JP

Seriously...and they complain about US?!

I'm SO DONE with the Military Channel. And then he wonders why he won't get lucky when he watches that in bed?

Julie

Okay, it's up. Come join the fun.

Amanda, I'm still laughing about your list.

Nee Stewart

I'm afraid that I am your husband Dave, if you judge me by your list. My husband is one of those "a place for everything, and everything in its place" types, so it is more his holier-than-thou attitude that drives me crazy than any sloppiness. Except when he insists on scrambling eggs in a glass (!), which is not easy to clean after the fact. At least we take turns on the dishes, so half the time he has to scrape that shit out himself.

Sheryl

Yeah, I'm kinda your husband too. Except for the scratching feet thing, that's nasty. Get him some Gold Bond for your anniversary.

kalisah

Ah yes, the dirty clothes everywhere. I especially appreciate the pile that's RIGHT NEXT TO THE LAUNDRY HAMPER that he just couldn't bring himself to put IN the hamper. Which, BTW, doesn't even have a lid on it.

Does he also leave all his dresser drawers open? Annoying as holy hell.

Just wait - the older they get, the worse the names get. My boys are 36 and almost 13 and the names are downright R rated. Boys, they get bigger but they never grow up. At least you'll soon have a girl to help balance out all that testosterone.

jenB

fabu' post. i am off to see what julie wrote.....

C

Well at least in terms of the spinach he's thinking healthy? LOL!

Very Mom

I get in trouble every time I mock my husband on my blog. So I won't take up the meme, but AMEN SISTER to like, almost everything in there. Only you can add this:

20. Pumps the gas (thank you) but leaves his door open in the FREEZING COLD when he gets out of the car to do so. This not only freezes us all in the car but makes the car angrily BEEP BEEP BEEP at us while his stupid keys dangle from the ignition.

erika

Hilarious list! All of that sounds incredibly annoying. My husband SLURPS his coffee. Every frickin' time. Even out of a paper coffee cup. Even when it is cold. I think I've trained most of the other annoying stuff out of him. ;)

Kari

I am so glad to hear that other people's husbands don't wipe counters, leave errant socks and other pieces of clothing everywhere, and distribute hard-to-clean things like pancake batter and sticky eggs around the kitchen.

But on the other hand, I am not glad. Because what motivation for change is there if all his buddies are as slovenly?

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