Mandajuice

Alex is FIVE!

This morning as we snuggled in bed and I told him the story of his birth, he told me, "Now that I'm five, I'm going to be a lot more rougher."  "Really?" I asked, "I thought five year old were more gentle, especially with their sisters."  "Well, I'm going to be rougher on the playground and, like,  make up really cool games, but I'll be more gentle with my sister."

Good deal.

Happy birthday to my boy!  The amazing child who broke my motherhood cherry. 

Every year on Alex's birthday I feel guilty.  I realize another year has gone by and it hits me that I might not be getting any better at being his mother.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being his mother, but it gets harder every year.  I was REALLY exceptional at the baby stuff, the PHYSICAL parts of parenting: the feeding, bathing, rocking, nurturing, nursing and even packing the diaper bag.  Logistics is my stronghold.  That part was easy for me.

But now there's discipline and patience and the hardest thing of all: being present.  I feel like I'm not so stellar at including him in the moment.  I'm busy most of the time just dealing with the various details of keeping us all afloat.  Sure, he could HELP me wash the dishes, but it takes longer and I'm more apt to just say, "Go play outside!" than I am to pull up a stool and include him in my work.  I'm too snappy and impatient (and lazy).  I have a hard time being fun.

Alex, on the other hand, never seems to notice.  He mostly goes about his day finding ways to entertain himself (although often at the expense of his sister).  He is creative and enthusiastic and intelligent in ways I never expected.  He loves to talk and probably tells me he loves me half a dozen times every day, just out of the blue.  I have one year left before he starts school and I want to enjoy it with him.  I want to give him as much of myself as I possibly can. 

And so I will.

Happy Birthday, Alex!  The remote-controlled tarantula is going to seem pretty cool, but my real gift to you is going to be more time, more attention and more patience.

On SNL: another post I'm likely to regret

After a 15-year-long hot and cold romance with the program, I think I'm finally at the point where I might have to stop watching Saturday Night Live.  This is not an easy decision for me because I really have always loved the show.  Some of my fondest teenage memories are of staying up late with my dad to watch the mock Bill Clinton and Ross Perot debates. 

You know, back when the show was actually funny.

For many years now, Dave and I have noticed that we almost never laugh at SNL.  At least not out loud.  And when we do actually laugh, it's just because someone in the cast loses it and starts cracking up in the middle of skit.  It's a sad state of affairs when the only funny they can muster is the funny that wasn't supposed to happen.

But it's not the lack of funny OR the fact that I virtually never recognize the musical guests anymore, it's the politics that are going to make me stop watching.

I have thoroughly enjoyed SNL's political humor in the past.  As far as I'm concerned they didn't mock George Bush ENOUGH.  (or at least not CLEVERLY enough).  There's plenty of fodder for hilarity when it comes to politics, but this season the show is so skewed to the left that if I didn't know better, I would assume that Obama's campaign was just writing a check for the entire 90 minute production.

I could stand several minutes of complete and utter Republican bashing (Tina Fey's Sarah Palin is DEAD ON) and I might even LAUGH at it, but why can't they devote at least SOME time to mocking the Democrats??  It especially bothers me that when they mock Democrats, they mock their personalities (like mocking Hillary as a boner shrinker and her husband as a womanizer), but when they mock the Republicans, they include the policies.  They attempt to undermine candidates. 

Last night they went ON and ON about Palin's lack of foreign policy experience, but they'd never in a million years mock Obama's lack of executive experience or voting history.  During the debate skit they made sure to get in some of Obama's talking points (like 95% of people getting a tax break and that McCain voted with Bush 90% of the time).  Meanwhile, they make up fake porkbarrel spending policies and pie eating contests for McCain.  The funny was 100% at Republican expense.  And just think of all the hilarious fodder they're passing up by not doing at least ONE SKIT on Obama's pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright.  Apparently everything except Obama's big ears is off limits!

Why should the show be funny to only HALF the population?  It makes no sense at all.  It's almost as if they don't WANT me to watch anymore.  Why do they have to make their political agenda so obvious?  And most importantly, where is their political counterpart?  Where is the Fox News of late night comedy?

Nudity and Karate

Genoa is generally a stark raving nudist, which something we're working on (words I never expected to hear myself say: "Go back inside, you can't be naked in the FRONT YARD!"), but it often ends up being fairly convenient, like in this case.

Alex started Karate this week and he LOVES it.  Frankly, I'm loving it too.  It's the perfect sport for him since it teaches discipline, self control and stranger safety.  It doesn't hurt that his instructor is knocking my socks off with the magnitude of his awesome.  Watching him teach is much like watching a Pixar movie in that I'm laughing at all the jokes while the kids are taking it as the most fascinating gospel ever spoken. 

The only downside is that karate perfectly illustrates Alex's complete lack of mind-body coordination.  He has no idea where his limbs are at any given point (cough, much like his FATHER, cough) and I spend most of the class time biting my lip so he can't tell I'm laughing at him.

But he loves it and that's all that matters.

The totally unnecessary appliance I most adore..

is my Krups Egg Express.

Three people have asked me about it this week, so I thought it was worth posting for all to see.  My mom bought it for Dave two years ago (ish?) and I've used it OFTEN since then.  I've never had such an easy time peeling eggs.

When y'all bake a whole chicken...

How long does it last?

Because I'm seriously thinking about (temporarily) bringing back the Naked Ledger and using it to illustrate my grocery budget every month.   I would post my food receipts and then make a daily list of everything we eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I get this feeling that when people see that we spend $700 a month on  food, they think we're eating steak three times a week when in reality, I'm buying discounted pork chops and bulk ground beef (at WAL-MART, no less).  I meal plan, never leave home without a list, use coupons and price shop to an insanity-inducing degree.  I even price shop my friggin' Wavy Lays potato chip addiction, people!  I won't buy them for more than $2.50 a bag (and if I hide it from everyone else, I can make a single bag last an entire week)!

I think I could do it for about a month before it would drive me completely insane, but it might be worth a try.  What'cha'll think?

To answer my own question, I usually buy the largest roasting chicken I can find and it never makes it back into the fridge.  That's ONE meal for us.  If I'm lucky, after my family has picked the carcass clean,  I can boil it with some carrots and make some (weak) chicken stock to save for the next time I make rice.   

On money (iPhone FTW!)

It's been a ridiculously long time since I posted anything about budgeting.  I know I promised to bring back the Naked Ledger, but to be honest, without anyone paying me to write it?  It's just work for me and not something I enjoy enough to do just for fun (like this blog is).  I know this is going to come as a shock to you all, but I?  HATE BUDGETING.  That said, I've finally found something that seems to be working and I wanted to share it with you.

Let me preface this by saying that I have been trying to keep our discretionary budget under $2,000 a month.  The budget is like so:
Entertainment - $50
Booze - $100
Other - $50
Clothes - $200
Gas/Auto - $350
Dining Out - $150
Kids - $50
Household - $300
Groceries - $700
TOTAL $1,950

If you used to read the Naked Ledger, then you know this budget is roughly $200 more than it used to be.  That's because 1) we bought a house and my household category is more now and 2) I finally decided to stop being in denial about the fact that whether I budget for it or not, we're going to drink at least $100 of wine/beer/vodka/scotch every month.  And there's nothing wrong with THAT.

$2,000 may seem like a lot, but honestly, I've stayed under budget exactly ZERO times in the past year.  In fact, for the month of July, our visa bill was over $3000, almost $600 of which was DINING OUT.  I don't know what we were thinking, but obviously that was a terrible month, a month which horrified me and stunned me into starting a dedicated FOR REALS budget.

On my iPhone.

Don't laugh!  The iPhone is MAGIC.  I have it with me all the time.  I'm constantly checking it for e-mail and twitter updates and as it turns out, it's the ideal tool for recording my spending.  I bought this fabulous little app called "Spend" (for $.99 cents!) and it's the ideal blend of easy-to-use and thorough.  At the beginning of the month, I simply enter in my budget amounts and every time I spend money, I enter it into the categories before I throw away my receipt. (There is a Spend Lite app that's free, but it doesn't allow MONTHLY budgets, only weekly ones, which doesn't work for me at all).

As it turns out, we're still on budget this month!  I'm shocked that it's working, but it is and for the first time in a long time I feel like I found something I will actually keep using.  Now that we've got the discretionary stuff under control and well thought-out, it's time to turn to our bigger item spending (IKEA bookcases, birthday presents, Halloween zombie decorations, etc, have to come from somewhere!). 

DISCLOSURE TIME:  I don't want to hear how spoiled we are that in this economy we can afford to spend the way we do.  I KNOW we are spoiled.  We do well, there's no doubt about it, but I'm not going to apologize for it.  It took us a LONG TIME to get here and my husband works DAMN HARD and he is rewarded for it.  I'm sharing this not to be criticized, but because I think other people will relate to it.  People shy away from talking about money, but the financial planner in me wants to blow that door wide open.  We can all learn from eachother.

New about page!

I finally updated my About page.  You can thank Facebook!

This week's menu is also recently updated (although completely unexciting since it's the end of the month).

Closure on a few loose ends

1.  I just got off the phone with the garbage company and unfortunately, the only thing allowed in our yard waste bin is leaves, grass, garden trimmings and pumpkins.  No compost allowed AT ALL.  No paper towels, paper plates or food waste of any kind (except pumpkins).  Boo.

2.  Fall has always been my favorite season.  Halloween is my favorite holiday and this year we're planning a big Halloween party for which I've already planned the guest list, menu, decorations, invitations and costumes.  It's not even OCTOBER yet and I'm already stoked.  I have post-its in my Martha Stewart Halloween magazine and I'm already making craft lists.  The weather is getting more crisp and I look forward to buying myself sweaters.  I've never ever NOT looked forward to the holiday season.

This year, though, I'm sad to see summer go.  And it's for only one reason:

That baby is easily well over a pound by now.  She's a PRIZE HEIRLOOM TOMATO, one I've slaved over since APRIL (or longer if you count all the seeds I grew inside but which died in a late Spring freeze) (and by "slaved over" I mean planted, watered and worried about).  She's meant to turn a beautiful marbled burgundy color and  I can't bear the thought of her freezing on the vine.  Double boo.

3.  Genoa has been sleeping SO MUCH BETTER.  Normally, I'm able to put her down wide awake without so much as a whimper.  She definitely tries to pull the "one more drink of water! I need to go pee!  I'm hungry!" crap, but it doesn't bother me.  The only thing is that unless she's REALLY tired, she's still getting up at least once a night.  All I have to do is walk her back to bed, give her a kiss and say goodnight again, but still, it would be nice to stay horizontal for an entire night.

4.  Two movies we watched over the weekend, both of which majorly disappointed us: Baby Mama and The Love Guru.  Why do they have to make films so damn formulaic?  You know in the first five minutes EXACTLY what's going to happen at the end.  I hate that.  Also?  So much golden comedy fodder is left untapped.  Why does Hollywood refuse to go ALL THE WAY with humor?  Everything is so predictable.

5.  Speaking of, we're watching only a couple of new shows this season.  Fringe, for one.  We like it, but it's basically EXACTLY what the X-Files was except instead of printing the name of each place on the screen like a real grown-up TV show, they go all WORD WORLD on us and make the name of the city/place into these stupid 3-D images inside the landscape with shadows and everything.  It makes me roll my eyes and it makes Dave think the entire show is stupid.  Also?  It REALLY bothers me how these mad crazy scientists never have WiFi issues.  They never need tech support, get a blue screen or have zero bars on their cell phones.  They have internet that's faster than the speed of sound and the ability to render 3-D maps in real time.  That's just SO BELIEVABLE isn't it?!?

We're also watching True Blood, which is interesting, but also equally lame.  I like it and I'll keep watching it because it's different and not predictable, but other than the short skirts, they're doing absolutely NOTHING to persuade anyone with a y chromosome to watch it.  It's basically a girly romance novel, but with FANGS.

The Shield has totally lost us this season, too.  Which is sad because it was one of our favorite shows for a long time.  It's just that, well, Vic Mackey is a BAD COP, and that was interesting at first, but now, again, guess what I'm going to say?  PREDICTABLE.  Also we missed a few episodes and we're pretty lost on the plot. 

6.  There are some really excellent new kids shows though!  We're loving Super WHY, Word World and Sid the Science Kid, all on PBS.  "I love my mom, my mom is cool, but now it's time, for having fun at school!"  We're also DVR'ing Martha Speaks, Lazy Town, How It's Made and Curious George. 

Learning something new about RECYCLING

Many many years ago, I was the treasurer of the board of a non-profit agency in the town where I went to college.  (Back before I had kids, when I had the luxury of free time for things like VOLUNTEERING).  Anyway, one of my fellow board members happened to own the town dump/garbage company/recycling facility.  He often hosted board activities at the dump, too, because 1) he lived to volunteer and 2) the dump was crazy-huge and he built a nice big building with an extra room specifically for community type meetings.  (Every year he also hosted a giant fundraiser called "Dinner at the Dump" too).

Anyway, one night I was helping him clean up after a pot-luck something-or-other and I saw him throw a giant pizza box in the trash.  I was horrified.  I mean, we were something like TEN feet from the county's largest recycling facility and he just pitched a CARDBOARD pizza box in the trash can.

"Aren't you going to RECYCLE that??!?"  I insisted.

"No.  Greasy pizza boxes are NEVER recyclable."

Well that was news to me and for the past five years, I've thrown my pizza boxes out with the dirty diapers, but I never really knew WHY.  I just took the town dump owner's word as gospel.  But last night I was enjoying my most recent copy of REAL SIMPLE Magazine (the only magazine on earth that feels like it was written SPECIFICALLY for me) and I finally learned why!

"Food residue can ruin a whole batch of paper if it is left to sit in the recycling facility and begins to decompose."

I had no idea!  (The article I'm referring to is "How to recycle anything," in the October 2008 issue of Real Simple.)  Reading on, I learned some other big recycling mistakes I've been making, namely, attempting to "hide" things  in my bins like plastic packaging, yogurt cups and even Styrofoam mushroom boxes (I'll be buying my mushrooms in bulk from now on and recycling the plastic bag) and other things that aren't on the approved recycling list for my local facility. You know, the list I have TAPED TO THE WALL right above my trash can in the pantry.

Plastic bottle caps, for example, are "made from a plastic that melts at a different rate than the bottles, and they degrade the quality of the plastic if they get mixed in."   I KNEW I wasn't supposed to be throwing those in the recycle bin, but I've always been lazy about it.  Oops.

I guess the big thing I learned is something that all of us do: we try to push the limit of what we put in the bin.  We do it because it seems better to TRY and recycle something than to throw it out, but from now on, I'm going to follow the rules more carefully.  I had no idea that my good intentions were doing so much more HARM than good.  I hate think of how many batches of paper I've ruined because I thought it was better to RECYCLE those dirty paper plates than to pitch them. 

Things I vow to stop buying because they are not recyclable:

• Plastic silverware (no facility in the US recycles plastic silverware!)
• Goldenrod envelopes (the dye is too difficult to remove)
• Padded envelopes with bubble wrap
• Plastic wrap (saran wrap, etc) (because it's too difficult to decontaminate, good thing I stopped using it specifically for the risk of it contaminating MY FOOD)
• Juice bags (these can be reused by mailing them to terracycle, but I know I'm not organized enough to do that!)

Pet peeves and wet kids

Can I take a quick moment to get some pet peeves off my chest?  (Feel free to share your own in the comments section!)

• Wet paper towels left in the kitchen sink.
• Dirty kitchen sponges left wet in the sink. They belong ABOVE the sink where they can air dry.  It's even worse if they smell mildewy. 
• Actually anything that even REMOTELY smells like mildew.  This pet peeve gives me more trouble than I expected now that we live in the wet northwest.  I've double-washed more than a good share of laundry loads.
• Socks left on the floor two inches from the hamper.
• Shoes left on the kitchen floor.  Or in the hallway.  Or generally where other people might actually want to walk.
• When people don't signal before turning left in an intersection.
• When Someone (I won't name names) wants to wear a specific shirt to work and puts ONLY that shirt in the dryer to speed the dry time.  That part is fine, the part bugs me is not putting everything ELSE into the dryer once the shirt is done.  You're RIGHT THERE!
• Flies.  In my mother-effing house.
• The fact that I'm the only human in my house who knows how to change a roll of toilet paper.
• Washing dishes.  I HATE WASHING DISHES.

Speaking of?  I spent 45 minutes catching up on the kitchen this morning.  I don't mind loading the dishwasher so much, but it's the non-dishwasher stuff that peeves me.  I always wear rubber gloves and that's the only thing preventing my kitchen from becoming unusable, but still, I would rather fold a Mt. Everest of laundry than scrub pots and pans.  This is what it looked like when I was done:

If I ever get to design my own kitchen (someday!  hopefully!), it will include both a double oven and DOUBLE DISHWASHERS.  One for place settings and one for Everything Else that never fits right or prevents the rest of the dishes from actually getting clean.

Anyway, just before this picture was taken, I knocked over a glass bowl that had been resting right on top of that other glass bowl up there.  It shattered into a million pieces.  Like so.

I then spent the next hour vacuuming and then mopping my entire downstairs.  I had to vacuum and once I moved the kitchen table out of the way, I figured what the hell, I might as well mop the kitchen.  The kitchen led to the hallway and the hallway led to living room.  And now all my floors are clean, which is the weirdest thing because I literally NEVER mop my floors unless I'm expecting company and I'm not expecting anyone this week.  I just cleaned my floors FOR MYSELF.  And we all know they'll be filthy again in approximately 14 seconds.  oh wait, RIGHT NOW.

This morning in an effort to Just Do Something, I set up the tempera paints outside and let the kids go to town.  They painted and painted...

and when they ran out of paper, they used each other as canvases.  And then they were so filthy that I couldn't even let them inside the house.  I literally had to lock the sliding glass door.  I would have taken more pictures of how painty they were, but, uh, we're still running a bit of a nudist colony over here. 

So I dumped out their outdoor toy bucket and filled it up with warm water and dish soap and gave them a bath on the grass.

Which, you know, didn't go over well at all. (Ha!)

So I got back my good mom badge for the day and I'm actually feeling better now.  At least my floors are clean!